I recently attended and graduated a school with a very distinct reputation. I had known I would one day go there for at least 3 years prior to the time I actually did. I had many high expectations born of the experiences I had there with my father. I spoke highly of the school and shared many of the same values that they so adamantly enforce. I thought that going there would make me a better and stronger person. It turns out I was right, but not nearly in the way I thought it would.

The experience started out sour when a close friend of mine, whom I had decided to room with, decided to get mad and hold a grudge against me again. He did this occasionally in the past, but I had thought that we had passed that stage. We had grown up. Apparently not. He betrayed me by spreading lies to the other students behind my back. High School stuff. It still worked here, though. Possibly that's because only the devoted, the smart, and the ultimately strange attended there. This was true in my case as well I suppose, but I was thought of as strange by THEM, not the other way around. I was different in my normalcy. Believe me, I wasn't used to that, because frankly, I'm not all that normal. Anyway, I was for all intents and purposes outcast shortly after my arrival. This sounds pretty bad, but I learned to swing with the punches very early in life. I started to look at it as a blessing: those who were mature and good enough to confront me and find things out for themselves were the only ones worth befriending and knowing anyway. My attitude, I'm proud to say, remained pretty much consistent. I knew that I wasn't there for grades and that I wasn't going to be typical tight-ass student. I was me, and that wasn't going to change. I went to better myself, not to send myself in a completely different direction, guided by the desires of other men. In a nutshell, this was my first year.

I was good in school. Always have been. However, I found that in this setting I was much further from the motivation I would otherwise have. I stayed relaxed and didn't concern myself with the straight A's that I could have made. I contented myself instead with A's and B's and relished in the extra personal time. What happened to me while here, to shorten this whole story, was that I saw the truth of what I had always idolized and considered "right." Parts of it were STILL right, but the application was all wrong. I changed and I grew. I also noticed that the environment I so comfortable lived in before was actually a prison for freethinkers like me. When I started formulating my own thoughts, I realized that the grand majority of people were not just going to accept my change. I had to start flying under the radar. I was suddenly right in the middle of a sea of predators... and I had willingly put myself there. I found others, amazingly, there with me that had the same mindset as me. Together, we struggled through, closing in on graduation. One of my best friends didn't make it. They found out, and that was it for him. I didn't see him for months after.

The truth is, I grew quite a lot as a person, and do NOT regret my time there. I now know to a greater degree how to deal with all kinds of people. I know how to wait nearly forever and have great patience. I know how to be covert with my beliefs and how to reach others like me (sometimes bringing others to see my ideals). I probably would not have ever seen the light if I hadn't faced the darkness of my previous life. I made it to graduation and am now considered "elite"... but am afraid to use this because of the reputation that comes with it. I see everything differently.

There are many facets to a simple situation. If you can see them then you have a chance to change someone's world.