I am in the best place of my life right now. My life is going just the direction I want it to. I'm making something of myself and I'm becoming better with every passing day. I understand that an unfortunate side effect of this is that my usual back-in-the-day type of blog entry is not quite attainable during this positive state in life. Except of course the lovers dialogue back in the age of Xanga. It's just that, the things that are worth writing about now are more subtle. Observational. The crazy little things that people do every day. The thoughts of my own creation and those presented to me by my peers. Situational humour. I love it.
Also, regardless of my situation in life, I need this. Mostly, I think, for reasons vaguely discussed in the entry starting with me "attending and graduating." More locally public and "close to home" thought troughs are more restricted for me right now. Damn, that's hard to deal with. I love where I am. I love the people involved. But there is a level that I need to go beyond. I'm not satisfied with the same old routine and restrictions. Yes, I am a moral and ethical person and live by a code. But the fact is, I'm starting to see a change in my code, a deviance from the largely accepted. As an artist and a growing person, I have to accept this change. I want to embrace it. I am doing it here in everyday life and showing it more and more as
time goes on. But as far as being able to talk about it, in a big picture kind of way... my options are limited. I would LOVE feedback, if anybody knows what the hell I'm even talking about, but mainly... this is for me. I need to process things. I do this better by playing out my thoughts, like right now, off the cuff.
Also, I simply need to vent.
For completely other reasons too. The usual fun, hopeful, and hard to admit reasons way people want blogs. "Maybe someone will finally recognize me for the genius I am, dang it!"
Absolutely.
Honestly, the kind of thing I've spent the majority of this post on is not that prevalent on my mind. Today I've thought nothing of it until I sat down to write. Usually I'm just living. I try to do that well, with richness of feeling and overwhelming smiles in my soul. Life really is great, even when it sucks. The terrible moments often define you and craft you into an amazingly, exponentially more defined and refined person. I want to be refined and purified. Heck, I want to be pure gold one day. I want to help other people do the same. There is so much potential around us. Seize it. Make it yours. You could be sky diving instructor if you wanted. You could make it to Australia or France and live the rest of your life learning about other people. you could be an artist, and even if people don't recognize you right away, if it's what you love and what you want out of your life, then you will be satisfied. Do NOT spend most of your adult life trying to get over your childhood. Live what you came to live. Do it right the first and only time. Okay, for now I'm done.
Oh yeah, and this is another one of my charcoal drawings.
And remember, profundity is not necessary for value. Oh, that is not a qualifier. I'm plenty arrogant enough to believe that I am ;) .
Sorting through the jumble... it's been too long since I sorted through with words instead of charcoal.
THAT'S the last thing I'll say! Fact: I simply do not think it words. I think in feelings and emotions and images and scenarios, etc. NOT words. So this is really not that easy for me. I never feel like I am representing "me".
Anyway, if you like you can tell me if I lack clarity.
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